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Portgas, are you avoiding me, or did you just fall asleep for a week solid?

Do you miss me?

[Sigh.]

[He wants to play. To say something assholey and snarky and playful and...]

[He did say he would listen to "Auntie's" advice though so...]

[Maybe he can just turn it down a notch.]

[So just a low bass voice, the kind he would drop only very close to Ace's ears.]

Would I have called otherwise?

[Because it's mostly true, but it still gives him enough leeway to pretend that sure, he could have other reasons. Maybe. Obviously. Totally.]

[Maybe.]

[aklerpejrejrsfusueres

wriggle

God he just--

And Ace just--

damn dirty Marine didn't play fair]

[..... ????]

Portgas???

[HE DIDN'T EVEN DO THE JOKE SO HE CAN'T SAY HE WAS JUST JOKING! WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?!]

[ah...no he sounds worried now. It's just cute. And why is Ace getting turned on by it what?]

Sorry I'm a little hard.

[sorry]

Say you miss me again?

[asdlkasjdlakwjdalidjilsjdasjda]

[How can he--]

[That--]

[Don't just admit things like that...]

[Jeez.]

[He couldn't even say it straight the first time so...]

[........]

[GAH.]

[HIS EARS ARE TOO RED AND HE NEEDS TO GO---]

[Out.]

[Somewhere.]

[AWAY FROM THE GIRLS.]

[Obviously.]

I want...

[To see him. To fuck him. To screw him through floorboards. To snap and do bad things and to fight and fight himself to not, and enjoy the taste and be addicted, and give in, and be stubborn and refuse and to stop fucking blushing...]

[To go out.]

[To run into Ace accidentally on purpose.]

[And maybe ram into him.]

[Maybe not that much.]

[And...]

[A million other things Smoker never ever would or could or will say.]

[He doesn't finish his sentence.]

Where are you, Portgas?

Or do you just want to get some peanutbutter and ice cream?

[.... That shouldn't be a date.]

[And also nothing's probably open at this hour.]

[And and...]

[What is he even doing?]

I'm by the tree house.

Don't come here. [a little frantic. Because Smoker and sex and Luffy is a bad bad bad b a d combination. His little brother is elsewhere for now]

Um...where should we meet?

Can we make out a little too?

[Don't just--]

[That shouldn't--]

[alskdjaslkdjaslkdjaslkjd]

[Smoker's entire face gets EVEN MORE RED SOMEHOW.]

[And his ears are burning and he doesn't know what to do and just--]

[Portgas REALLY shouldn't make him feel like a kid. Or a really green teenager before he even hit the academy and...]

[His voice gets even quieter.]

[Though no less growly.]

Maybe a hotel with room service?

[He should not. And it's probably a trick and he should just--]

[Get a cold shower?]

[Except then he'd crave flames even more.]

[Maybe a steam shower to trick himself into being okay.]

[Maybe.]

That--

[Scrubs his face with his hand, trying to wipe off the red and his ears are steaming.]

[So he's kind of hard too and wishing he wasn't, because what the hell, he's not 17, and doesn't have an excuse.]

[He wants to say he's not sure he could stop just at --]

[What they did before.]

[And... obviously he COULD, but he wouldn't want to which is the problem.]

[And he has the feeling that this has as much chance of staying secret as the fact that Sengoku's goat regularly ate paperwork.]

[And yet...]

[He can't stop thinking about it.]

[And knowing that if he tries not to think about it, he'll only think about it more, isn't helping because he can't distract and--]

[He really has a craving to find out how Ace tastes with peanutbutter...]

[Bad Smoker.]

[He forgot why he was calling Ace.]

[Just to see why he was so quiet maybe?]

[Would preoccupying Ace's mouth with something different be good or bad?]

[He was going somewhere with this.]

Someplace your crew won't find and kill me over. [Said dryly, since he trusts Ace to ... protect him as it were but still.]

[If he's going to fuck Ace... or whatever the fuck else. Fight, play cards, arm wrestle, leave hickeys all over -- Smoker swears he's not a teenager even if he's acting like it -- then it might as well be someplace the Whitebeards won't immediately bust in on. And that would guard them from Tashigi for at least a night or so.]

Edited 2016-08-14 04:35 (UTC)

A hotel? That's fancy.

[he doesn't get it. Why a hotel?]

It's kind of a weird place to eat ice cream in... Did you still want ice cream?

[he kind of did. He couldn't say why. He feels weirdly awkward and his face is almost literally flaming.]

I've got a hammock.... We can put it up anywhere...

Portgas, the minute you and I are in the same hammock together, you're going to flip us both out and onto the ground. Or sand. Or cement. Or whatever else.

Look, don't worry, I've got the cash to cover it.

[Vague stirring sound effects in which Smoker is trying to figure out how to... be.]

[....]

[Finally quiet grumbly voice again.] Just let me spoil you, all right?

[Wow that red is never going to go away.]

It makes me feel like I should dress in fur. [because he's the other woman right? Kind of?]

I'm not going to wear a dress though you can forget it. But otherwise sure tell me where.

[and he'll just...make sure Smoker has some fun out of it. Maybe he'll suck his dick or something

No wait then he really will be other woman]

What?

[HE IS SO CONFUSED. ACE WHY WOULD YOU WEAR FURS OR A DRESS? DO EITHER AND HE IS LEAVING ON THE SPOT BECAUSE THEN YOU WILL NOT BE YOU.]

It's just a--

What kind of--

Edited 2016-08-14 04:56 (UTC)

[Drags a palm down his face.]

Look other than a bar I don't know what's open at this hour, and frankly I'm not sure I'd trust a bar that had ice cream, all right? Besides hotel rooms have showers and...

Don't--

[GRINDS HIS TEETH.]

Just be you, dumbass.

And don't be nervous. We can just play cards or chess or whatever you want. I guess not fishing but...

[.... guh.]

Let me figure out what has ice cream and get a place and I'll let you know.

And if your brother is likely going to rocket us through several buildings again, tell me how to make it harder for him to take us unawares. Or how you hid from him as a teen.

Same with your crew. Did you have any special routine when you docked on islands or something?

O-oh uh, you mean stealth fucking? I don't know. We just kinda did it wherever but-- I didn't really... I can't in front of Luffy. Even when I needed to jack off I just went into the woods because it's weird you know? And once I accidentally woke up Fluffy but he's cool though it was kind of embarrassing uh...

We could just tell Luffy we're busy and to go away? But fuck that's weird. Ah... [drags hand over face]

Should...should I bring something for my ass?

Fluffy?

[Dog? Cat? Marco the Phoenix? What???]

Portgas....

[Holy fucking hell on ice.]

[How did Portgas get so far ahead of him on just--]

[He wasn't even...]

[Not that he was--]

[But...]

[Okay he needs to just...]

[Think for a little bit.]

I'll try to plan for all eventualities.

[.... Whether fucking or just eating ice cream or...] The ice cream wasn't a euphemism, just so you know. [Unless Ace doesn't really want ice cream but... no, of course he did. This was Portgas after all!]

Just....

Promise me...

[Shudders.]

That you'll never bring up your brother to me in that context again.

I think even my cigars taste bad now. [Eugh.]

Wait... so you never... that is -- [Uh... how does he ask this...] No serious girlfriends or uh boyfriends before you set sail? But surely there were hotels after that, I can't imagine you taking anyone back to your ship. [He needs a beat on Ace's experience level before he pushes him into something too far just because dumb not!teen trying to prove a point.]

[he answers almost mechanically, obviously a bit nervous]

A bear. Okay. Euphemism? Okay.

No....none. I told you. But uhh it was mostly on the ship. Mostly with nakama. Handys and stuff. We went to brothels but they never had ice cream and I never-- I mean just talked... though I guess they did? I know Thatch did. He could do six girls at once. It was amazing. They were really happy.

But for me... I've never sucked dick either... but I know how it's supposed to go so....

[..............................................................................]

[He went from feeling 16/17 to the full 36 in 20 second flat.]

[He needs to breathe.]

[And process.]

[And wow.]

[Okay....]

[But... wow.]

[Firstly, Ace was....]

[Right. Ace.]

[But secondly....]

[He almost corrects Ace to say "Not a bear, a bar!"]

[But then realizes that must have been fluffy...]

[So.................]

[...........................................................]

[Ace had sex in a cave with a bear in it?]

[Or jacked off there in winter or..............?????????]

[No, he gives up. Smoker doesn't want to know or think too hard on it.]

No... The ice cream is NOT a euphemism. I meant it literally. Ice cream to eat.

I'm not going to pressure you into sex or--

[Was Ace a virgin?]

[..................................................]

[??????????????????????????????????????????????????????]

[Smoker can barely imagine it.]

[The kid was YOUNG, but...]

[Roger, huh.]

[He hadn't... meant to offer up himself when Smoker tried to explain to Portgas that Roger's blood wasn't going to endanger anyone here. That Portgas should just do what he wanted to be happy whether that was... whatever.]

[He doesn't know how to handle it. How to feel.]

[The very very very VERY bad part of Smoker likes it. He wants to trample the untouched snow and leave his footprints all over it.]

[The slightly more rational sane parts of him loathe that aspect of himself and want to be noble and gentle on the brat....]

[Which just fucks with his head fifty times more.]

[And yet another part of him wonders if this isn't all an elaborate "gotcha" joke on Portgas' part to see how Smoker would react but...]

Portgas....

Are you trying to tell me you're basically...

[A virgin. But Ace might shy hard from that word or react extra weird and--]

[Smoker was gauging his words. Even if it didn't last, it was working so far, so he was going to try his god damnedest.]

New to all this?

It's okay if you are. [Adds that a little quickly than usual for Smoker's drawn out thought processes translated vocally. After all, he's trying Auntie's advice.]

It's kind of... really.... hot, actually.

[Rubs the back of his neck.]

Voice / August 13th / 11:30 at night

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